Breakdown
by Deanne Stevenson
Summary: Story begins with Reid's struggles after Tobias Hankel. Morgan and Reid centric. Some JJReid and MorganGarcia. Rated M for adult situations and language in some chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Olean is a sleepy city of 15,000 nestled in the Allegheny hills of Western New York. People would tell you it is a great place to raise a family. It has, what would be described as, "Norman Rockwell values." It is the kind of place where you wouldn't worry about it very much if you forget to lock your door at night.

The Allegheny River ambles lazily through the town, making its three hundred mile trek to join the Monongahela River in Pittsburgh. Olean can boast of several pictorial parks and great fishing along the river. When bodies began showing up on the river banks, the peaceful community was thrust into a state of shock. It just doesn't happen here.

The remains of five young women in as many weeks had been found by the river. They were raped and their throats slashed. Police in the area had no experience with serial crimes and were happy to have the assistance of the FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit.

The BAU team flew into Buffalo on Tuesday afternoon. It was the closest airport to Olean, which was 75 miles to the south. It was a long, but scenic drive, on mostly secondary roads, through quaint villages and farmland. Morgan drove one car, with Reid and Prentiss. Hotch followed, with Gideon and JJ, in the other SUV. Morgan tapped inpatiently on the steering wheel as he waited for another herd of milk cows to cross the road. "Something you don't see on The Beltway," he joked.

Emily sat in the front seat reading aloud from the case file, speculating with Morgan about the crimes. Ordinarily, Spencer Reid would be spouting facts about NY, cows, or the case. Today he sat quietly, almost sullenly, in the back seat looking out of the window.

It had been six weeks since Reid's ordeal with Tobias Hankel. After two weeks off, Olean was the third time he had been in the field since he had returned to work. Morgan had seen a change in him since he had come back. He was often distracted and distant. While you would certainly never call Reid a stylish dresser, he'd never looked unkempt. Now he was frequently unshaven and his appearance disheveled.

Reid confided to Derek that he was having problems doing his job. Morgan tried to be reassuring. He told him it would take time after what he had been through. He suggested to Spencer that he talk with Gideon. Gideon had helped Morgan through some of his own issues and he trusted him.

On Friday, Reid was late for work and looked so bad; Morgan asked him if he was sick. "No, I overslept this morning," he snapped. "It's not like you're ever on time for work, man. You've got a lot of nerve saying anything to me." Derek was stunned by his hostility. He wondered if the kid was suffering from depression or PTSD. He thought, perhaps, he should approach Gideon about him, but realized that Gideon would already know.

The last few miles of the drive were on The Southern Tier Expressway, finally, a major highway. St. Bonaventure University was located on the outskirts of the city. There were three motels nearby. The team checked into the Best Western. It was a nice motel but small. They weren't able to secure individual rooms, which left Morgan to share a room with Reid.

After they checked in, they went to meet with the local police. Chief of Police Tommy Schneider was an affable man, who readily admitted he was in way over his head with a serial killer case. The BAU immediately began working up a profile of the St. Bonnie Killer. Since all of the victims were students at St. Bonaventure, the unsub was likely another student or someone associated with the university. With additional personnel from the Sheriff's Department, patrols were increased in the city. The team would begin interviewing students and staff in the morning.

They stopped for dinner at before returning to the motel. Although it was a small facility, the motel had a weight room and pool, which pleased Morgan. He suggested to Reid that he go down to the pool with him, but he declined, saying he wanted to watch television.

Morgan disliked sharing a room with Reid. Morgan enjoyed watching sports and ESPN when he had the chance. Spencer always wanted to watch the Discovery Channel or some stupid "Star Trek" variation. All those space programs looked the same to Derek. He figured he wouldn't argue about it, though. After what had happened to the kid recently, he decided he could suck it up for a few days and be nice.

JJ and Emily were already swimming when he went down to the pool. Damn, Emily looked good. She was wearing a black two piece that emphasized her cleavage. "Be professional, Morgan," he reminded himself, "you're on a job." JJ looked darned good, too. She was wearing an emerald green bikini. "What a shame! That's Reid's territory," he thought, "if the dumb ass would just figure it out." He swam laps for awhile, then dried off and went to the gym.

It was just after ten when he headed back to his room. As he walked past the room Hotch and Gideon were sharing, he smiled to himself. That's an odd couple, too, he mused. Hotch was a pretty normal guy by Morgan's standards, but Gideon was, in his own way, as quirky as Reid. Hell, Reid and Gideon should share a room.

He was still smiling at the thought when he slid his key into the lock and opened the door. The room was dark but for the television and the light coming from under the closed bathroom door.

"Reid?" Morgan couldn't hear the shower running and became concerned when he didn't get a response.

"Reid?" He was louder this time.

"REID!" There was a twinge of panic in his voice as he tried the bathroom door. It was locked. A cold fear gripped him. He didn't hesitate. Derek slammed his weight against the door. The lock gave way and the door burst open.

"OH, SHIT...REID, NO!"

Spencer Reid was lying face up on the floor. His eyes were closed. He was naked. There was a loose rubber band on his left arm. The needle was still in him. There was a vial of…something…on the edge of the sink. Morgan knelt beside him and felt for a pulse. It was slow but it was there. And he was breathing, barely. Morgan let out a small sigh of relief. At least he was still alive. He quickly dialed #911 on his cell. When he had the ambulance dispatched, he called Hotch.

The ambulance arrived in less than four minutes. The paramedics did a hasty assessment and transported him to Olean General. Gideon and Hotch followed the ambulance to the hospital.

JJ was sitting on Reid's bed crying. Emily was trying to comfort her. A disbelieving Morgan sat at the foot of his bed.

"Damn it, Kid," he thought sadly. "I never thought it was this… Not this!… Not you!"

"Emily, you and JJ can go back to your room. They'll call us as soon as they know something." Morgan was anxious to have them leave. He wanted to be alone.

As soon as he was by himself, Derek called #5 on speed dial.

The phone rang several times before she picked up. Morgan hoped she wasn't asleep. "Hello, Mon Cheri, I was wishing you would call me tonight," she said, flirtatiously. "Now I know I'll have sweet dreams.

"Hi, Pen, I'm really glad you're awake."


	2. Chapter 2

Wednesday and Thursday, the team spent most of their time questioning students and employees of the university. There were several leads they turned over to Captain Schneider for follow up. Morgan was impressed with the Olean police. They caught on quickly to FBI procedures. Hotch was confident the case would solve fairly fast.

One of the officers Morgan met in Olean was from Chicago. He had grown up a few blocks from Morgan. The detective, Ed Bennett, was a little older than Morgan but he had played football at the same high school. Morgan planned to go out on patrol with him after dark. First he was going to the hospital to visit Spencer Reid.

Reid was recovering. He had been evaluated by a psychiatrist, who determined his overdose was accidental. Hotch had pleaded Reid's case to the Bureau. The Director took into consideration what happened to him in Georgia. They agreed to give him a chance to keep his job. Reid was to go immediately into rehab. If he successfully completed the program, he could return to work on a provisional basis. He would be required to continue out-patient treatment.

Hotch spoke to him twice about rehab. Both times, Reid adamantly refused. JJ had no luck persuading him, either. It was Derek's turn.

Morgan and Prentiss pulled into the parking lot at Olean General about 6 o'clock. Emily stayed in the waiting room while Morgan got a visitor's pass and went up to Reid's room. Reid was sitting near a window, looking out at the street. He probably saw Morgan drive in. He was wearing a hospital gown and slippers, and was attached to an IV pole. There were bruises up and down his thin arms. He was very pale.

"Hey," Morgan smiled. "How are you feeling?"

Reid looked up at him, expressionless. "I'm okay," he said softly.

"Are they treating you alright?" Morgan tried to sound casual.

"Sure."

Derek made some small talk about hospital food and pretty nurses before he came to the point. "You want to tell me what happened?"

"You already know what happened."

Morgan turned more serious. "Reid, how long have you been using?"

"Does it matter?" Reid returned to looking out of the window.

"Talk to me, Kid." Morgan said, impatiently. "Why?"

"You know 'why.' You know what happened to me." He kept staring out the window.

"And using is going to make it better?" Morgan suddenly sounded angry. "Are you crazy?"

Reid turned his attention back to Morgan. He looked wounded. "I thought you, of all people, would understand. We're supposed to be friends."

Morgan continued. "Understand what? That some bad shit happened to you? Understand that using makes you forget about it? Are you that weak?" He saw tears welling in Reid's eyes.

"You were smart enough to outwit a psychopath. You survived three days with that maniac and lived to tell about it." Derek softened his tone a little. "Yeah, I know the hell you went through, Reid. I saw it. We all did. Is that when it started? After Hankel?"

He paused. When Reid didn't reply he turned sarcastic. "Man, you jumped in with both feet, didn't you? You couldn't smoke a little weed, pop some pills? YOU START INJECTING DILAUDID! Are you fucking crazy?"

"Stop calling me crazy." Tears ran down Reid's face. "I don't want to talk about this."

"I don't want to lose my partner because he became a junkie and got kicked out of the FBI. I don't want to find you dead on the floor. And I sure as hell don't want to go to your funeral, Reid."

He gave Spencer a moment to digest what he said. "Why are you giving them crap about going to rehab?"

Reid returned to looking out the window and didn't answer.

"You need to get help." He softened his voice again. "If you're successful in a program, the Bureau will let you come back. You'll be on probation for awhile, but you'll keep your job."

"I'm not sure I want to." He was a little calmer. This time he looked at Morgan.

"Fine, then just go to get well. You can decide about the Bureau later."

Reid was quiet for a moment. Finally, "I can't go," he said. "If I go to a place like that, I'll never come out." He sounded desperate. "My mother has been locked away for six years. She's never getting out……Morgan, I can't."

Morgan knew Reid's fear, however irrational, was genuine. He had confided to Derek on several occasions that he was afraid he had inherited his mother's schizophrenia. "Reid, it's not the same. We want you to go to a rehab facility, not a mental hospital. Six, eight weeks, maybe."

He tried reasoning with him for awhile, but he was getting nowhere. For everything Morgan tried to say, Reid had a "yeah, but…" response. Morgan was losing patience.

"You know, for a smart man, you're pretty damned stupid. You have a promising career. You have friends who care about you. You've got a girl most men would give their right nut to be with, and you're just going to throw it away. You're going to throw it away because of some squirrelly fear." Morgan shook his head. "How pathetic!"

Reid was crying again.

"I can't watch you kill yourself, Reid. You mean too much to me." Derek's voice almost cracked. He couldn't do this any longer. "Call me if you come to your senses."

Morgan turned and quickly walked out of the room. He didn't want his friend to see his face and he couldn't look at him. He was almost to the elevator when he passed Gideon. The two men made eye contact. Morgan nodded.

Derek and Emily silently walked to the car. He sat for a minute, staring straight ahead, before he started the engine. "I gather it didn't go so well," Emily asked. He shook his head. "I don't know." Morgan leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Thanks for coming with me."


	3. Chapter 3

Kelly Miller and her roommate, Jess, were nearly finished their study marathon for "the big one" tomorrow. Actually, it was already tomorrow and their exam was just three hours away. The girls were confident that they were ready. They considered going to bed for a couple of hours but decided that would make them more tired. They could crash after the test. Kelly was going out to get coffee and sandwiches. Jess was going to get a shower and straighten her hair.

Jessica and Kelly Ann were both seniors, residents of The Gardens of Br. Leo. Jess' major was early childhood education. Kelly wanted to teach physical education. An athlete all of her life, Kelly was attending St. Bonaventure on a basketball scholarship. She was captain of the women's swim team and proficient in jujitsu.

As Kelly pulled on her pink parka, Jess suggested that she wait until it got light out. Despite the dark, Kelly wasn't concerned for her safety. "Jess," she told her roommate, jokingly, "the St. Bonnie Killer isn't going to be at Tim Horton's. That's the restaurant where all the cops go for coffee." The campus and the city were heavily patrolled and it was only a half mile from the dorm to the coffee shop. When she pulled into the parking lot, it was just before 5 a.m. An Olean police car was pulling out of the drive-thru and heading down Route 417.

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Edward Bennett and Morgan were headed up State Street when they got the call. It had been a mostly quiet night. The two men had spent much of the shift talking about sports and growing up in Chicago. Early in the evening, Derek confided to Bennett his concerns about Reid. The detective was very familiar with addiction problems, his younger brother having died from an overdose nine years ago. "Man, we tried everything with my brother. Got him into rehab four times. Kept signing himself out." Ed shook his head, sadly. "He was only twenty-six."

Morgan felt bad about his talk with Reid. He was sorry he had to be hard on him, even if it was for his own good. Gideon called him last night, just after visiting hours. He was relieved to hear that Reid had agreed to be transferred to a rehab facility.

There were already several police cars at Tim Horton's when Derek and Bennett arrived. The St. Bonnie Killer lay on the pavement in handcuffs. He was wearing a St. Bonaventure security guard's uniform. A pretty brunette in a pink jacket was talking with the officers. She was surprisingly calm. There were some spilled coffee cups and fast food bags on the ground, along with the black handled hunting knife that had been held to the girl's throat.

When she was five, Kelly Ann Miller began taking lessons in jujitsu. Earlier this year, she achieved the rank of black belt.

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Bennett and Morgan stopped for breakfast. The sun was rising when Morgan went back to the hotel. He slept until checkout time. It was nearly noon when the BAU team left for the airport. Morgan thought about stopping at the hospital to say goodbye to Reid, but he felt awkward. He decided he would call him after he was settled in at the treatment facility.

JJ, Emily and Morgan drove together. Derek was tired and didn't talk much. Emily and JJ chatted most of the ride. JJ was hopeful for Reid's recovery. She had spent the morning with him and was impressed by the change in his attitude. From their conversation, Morgan learned Reid had opened up to JJ more than ever before. While telling JJ she was "important" to him wasn't exactly a declaration of love, Morgan figured it was as close as he could get.

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Spencer Reid awoke early on Friday morning. He felt stronger than he had for the past few days. He was at peace with his decision.

Gideon had brought his bag last night and he was happy to have regular pajamas to wear. The nurses had been encouraging him to walk outside of his room to help get his strength back. With something to wear besides a hospital gown, he took a walk down to the solarium, stopping at the nurse's station to ask for a pen and paper.

It was his custom to write to his mother every day. His father had been unable to cope with Diana's illness, and left when Spencer was a boy. Diana Reid was all the family he had. In spite of her problems, they had a close relationship. His frequent letters helped him deal with the guilt he felt over being the person who had her committed. He hadn't written since he had been in the hospital. Sitting in the sunroom this morning, he wrote his mother a long letter.

JJ came to see him when visiting hours started. She stayed until the team was ready to leave for Buffalo. Encouraged by Morgan referring to her as "his girl," Reid was more open about his feelings than he had ever been. When she left, she hugged him. Usually very shy, he held her much longer than he would ever have allowed himself before. He gave her the letter to his mother to mail. He asked her to say goodbye to the other team members for him. Tomorrow, he was scheduled to be transferred.

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They took off from Buffalo Airport at 4:35 p.m. and expected to arrive in Virginia just after six. The mood was relaxed on the plane. Everyone was delighted that Reid was doing so much better.

Morgan was amused by how easily the case had been solved. With all the added police personnel and the FBI's finest on the case, it was a perky coed, who'd studied martial arts, who brought down the St. Bonnie Killer. Morgan had often kidded with Reid that he would never date a woman who carried a gun. He would have to add women who could drop kick him around a parking lot to the list. Then he remembered the kid wouldn't be around to joke with for while. Damn, he was going to miss him.

Spencer spent the afternoon watching the Discovery Channel. For the first time in a long while, he had a good appetite. He finished his trays at lunch and dinner. An aide helped him get a shower and shave. He looked and felt much better. After supper, he made a second trip down to the solarium. He met an old man who introduced himself as Willis. The fellow was walking around with oxygen and wheezed some when he spoke. Reid and he talked for a long time. Willis was a Korean War veteran. Reid found his stories fascinating, while Willis was impressed by the young man's knowledge of history.

It may just have been the medication they were giving him, or that he'd really had a good day, but Reid was very relaxed when he went back to his room. He took out the writing supplies the nurses had given him. He wrote a short note to his co-workers. Sealing it in an envelope, he placed it on the nightstand by his bed. He took the water glass he had stolen from the nurse's station and went into his bathroom. Smashing it against the sink, Reid picked up a large, jagged piece of glass. He sat down on the cold tile floor and sliced into his wrist. The first cut was tentative and only caused a small amount of bleeding. The second cut was deep. A dark crimson puddle spread across the floor. Reid dropped the piece of glass and leaned his head back against the wall. A sense of tranquility swept over him.

Spencer Reid was at peace with his decision.


	4. Chapter 4

Derek called Penelope Garcia on his way home from the airport. Except for the night of Reid's overdose, they hadn't talked much. He spoke with her briefly after he saw Reid, but he was on his way to work and only had a few minutes. Even now, he didn't have a lot to say. He just liked hearing her voice. She made him feel good.

He stopped at the gym for an hour before going home. He unpacked and repacked his bag and started a load of laundry. Since the BAU was on call 24/7, he was supposed to be prepared to leave on a moment's notice. Getting a wine cooler from the refrigerator, he sat down at the kitchen table to go through the mail Tracy had stacked there.

Tracy Hayes lived across the street from Morgan. He was good friends with her family. Occasionally, he went out to the park with her dad to shoot baskets. He hired the pretty teenager to come over to feed and walk Clooney, his dog. She brought in his mail when he was away. He had been away so much recently; his dog was at the Hayes' most of the time. He knew Tracy would see his car in the morning and bring Clooney home. There were several nice parks along the Potomac River, not far from his house. Tomorrow, he would take Clooney out for a long run.

He switched his clothes over to the dryer and grabbed another wine cooler. "Friday night," he sighed, "and I'm at home doing my laundry. My reputation is sadly exaggerated."

His cell phone rang. "Morgan." It was Gideon.

After a pause, "he did what?...Oh, my God!" Derek sat down at the kitchen table. All of the breath went out of him, as if he had been punched in the stomach. "Don't blame yourself. It wasn't anything you said to him," he heard Gideon saying. "This is something that has been building in Reid for awhile."

"Gideon, call me when you hear ANYTHING."

Morgan sat for a moment, numb from what he'd heard. Then, the anger welled in him. "Damn, damn…… DAMN YOU, REID!...FUCK!" The bottle he had been drinking smashed against the kitchen wall and broke into pieces. Wine ran down the wall.

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Henry Willis was a lonely man. His beloved wife died fifteen years ago. They'd never had any children. Since he had been at Olean General, he hadn't had any visitors. He was grateful for the company of the young man he had met in the solarium earlier. "Nice kid," he thought. "Smart." Not many people were interested in his war stories, but Spencer Reid had listened intently. He seemed to already know most of what he was talking about.

Visiting hours were over when Willis sauntered down the hospital corridor to find Reid's room. It was slow going, as he easily got out of breath. When he finally got to Room 321, it was empty. Willis sat down on the chair near Reid's bed to rest. He would wait. He had brought his most prized possession to share with the young man.

While he was waiting, he slipped a small box out of the pocket of his robe. He opened it and looked proudly at the Medal of Honor, given to him for heroism in Korea. Willis kept it with him most of the time, even bringing it in the bag he brought to the hospital. He smiled slightly, and put the box away. Reid would appreciate what it meant.

At first he didn't know where the blood on the floor came from. When Willis saw it was coming from under the bathroom door, he pushed the call button for the nurse. "Help," he croaked into the intercom. "We need help in here."

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Half dressed, Morgan was lying atop his bed watching a basketball game. He didn't even know the score. His thoughts were on Reid. At times, he felt outrage, blind anger toward him. How could he do something like this? Sometimes, he felt sick. Mostly, he felt helpless.

He was reaching for his phone to call Penelope, when he heard the car in his driveway. He put down the phone and waited to hear her key turn in the lock. Familiar footsteps came across the living room. He heard her place her purse on the kitchen table, and come down the hall to his bedroom.

"Derek? You awake?"

"Hey, Baby, I'm glad you're here." He was very happy not to be alone.

"Gideon called me about Reid." She sat down on the bed. "I figured you'd be worried. Thought you'd like some company." She leaned down to kiss him.

The aroma of her perfume stirred his senses. They hadn't been together, intimately, since before the NY case and he was easily aroused. He was keenly aware of her hand on his bare chest.

Derek pulled her close and softly kissed her. He slid his tongue through her parted lips, and kissed her again, intensely. His passion quickly ignited. His ran his hand up the smooth skin of her back and unhooked her bra. Opening her blouse, he exposed her lavish breasts. He began to kiss and caress her nipples. Derek took her hand and placed it against the bulge in his jeans. She felt him shudder as she unzipped his pants and began touching him.

"Derek," she whispered, excitedly, as she felt his hand on her thigh. He hooked his thumb on the elastic of her lace panties, and pulled them down. She eagerly slid off her skirt. Tossing her other clothing to the floor, she was naked. He quickly pulled off his jeans. They had been apart so long. He was desperate to be inside of her.

Lost in the depth of their passion, the sadness of the day was cast aside.

When the phone rang, he was asleep. His arm was around her, as she lay against his shoulder. She was only half awake, listening to the sound of his breathing. She enjoyed being close to him. She had been enamored with him from the day they met. "Derek," she nudged him when he didn't hear the phone.

"Derek."

He was disoriented when he awoke.

"Your phone is ringing."

He cleared his throat and answered. "Morgan."

Sitting up, he was quickly alert when he heard Gideon's voice. Reid would recover. He would be staying at the hospital in Olean, under a suicide watch, until he was stabilized. He would then be transferred to Endless Mountain State Hospital for further evaluation and treatment.

"Gideon, that's a mental institution."

"I know," the older man replied. "Some heads are going to roll. The psychiatrist who did the original evaluation should have realized he was suicidal. This should never have happened."

"Thanks for calling me." She could hear the sorrow in Morgan's voice.

He reiterated for her what Gideon had said. "Reid's greatest fear was ending up in a mental hospital," he said, sadly.

Sitting beside him on the edge of the bed, she hugged him. Although he didn't say it, she knew he was upset. He kissed her. With very little provocation, he could have made love to her again. Regretfully, "you have to leave, don't you," he said, stroking her hair.

"Yes, my mother is coming early in the morning. We're going out for breakfast. Then she wants me to go shopping with her." She rolled her eyes. "'Mommy Dearest' and I are going to spend the whole day together."

Morgan laughed. He knew what a challenging relationship she had with her mother. "You and your mother can't get along that long."

"I know. By this time tomorrow, I'll know everything I'm doing wrong in life."

He pulled on his jeans. "I'll walk you out to the car when you're ready."

Derek was shirtless as he took her to the car, but he didn't seem to notice the cold. The moon was bright. It was the kind of night made for lovers. He held her for a minute and kissed her. Being in his arms felt so good. She longed to tell him how she felt. The words "I love you" could have come out so easily, but she was quiet.

"Goodnight, Emily. Drive carefully."

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Penelope Garcia sat in her lounger watching "Nightmare on Elm Street." She loved scary movies and never lost a minute's sleep over any of them. It was the real stuff she saw at work that scared her. She was wearing pink flannel pajamas and nibbling a bowl of popcorn. It was very late but she wasn't sleepy. Her phone was next to her. She was waiting for a call.

Gideon had called her earlier to report on Reid. He had called everyone on the BAU team. Penelope knew Derek would be troubled by what happened. Reid was like a younger brother to him. He would want to talk with her. For as long as she'd known him, she could sense his feelings. Indeed, she knew his soul.

Morgan went back in the house and locked the door. Glancing at his watch, he hoped she wasn't asleep. He undressed and got into bed. He reached for his cell and dialed #5 on speed dial.

"Hello, you Heavenly Hunk, I was wondering if you would call me tonight," she said, playfully.

"Hi Pen, I'm glad you're awake."


	5. Chapter 5

There was a heavy mist clinging to the mountains as Spencer Reid looked out of his window at the Endless Mountain State Hospital. It was very early. Reid found it difficult to sleep in his new surroundings, and awoke most mornings with the first hint of daylight. He was in his fourth week of treatment for Opioid Withdrawal and Substance Induced Anxiety Disorder. His roommate, Nathan, was still sleeping soundly.

Nathan was a tall, skinny kid, even thinner than Reid. He had a wild mop of black curls. There was a large, flaming guitar tattooed on his back, which he proudly displayed to anyone willing to look at it. Spencer and Nathan were about the same age, which was possibly why they had been placed together. The young man wrote heavy metal music and played the guitar. His hero was magician, Criss Angel. He excitedly got Reid to watch a "Mindfreak" marathon with him the third night he was at the hospital, but became aggravated when Spencer could explain to him how the illusions were done.

Nathan was being treated for Bipolar Disorder. While on a low, he had tried to commit suicide by ingesting a bottle of his mother's Lorcet and washing it down with vodka. As soon as he was stabilized on medication, he would be going back to his job at the music store. Nathan lived in his mother's basement, and skateboarded to work everyday. Writing music, and getting laid, was all he aspired to in life.

A group of doctors had evaluated Reid, and decided that his problems were primarily caused by SIAD. Their prognosis was positive, although they recommended that he continue in out-patient treatment for several months. For the second time, Hotch pleaded his case to the Bureau. With the psychiatrists' reports in hand, he and Jason Gideon petitioned the FBI Director on his behalf. JJ told him they had met with the hierarchy for nearly two hours to determine the conditions for Reid's return.

Spencer was acutely aware of the camera bolted to a high corner of his room, which watched everything he did. The window, that offered a panoramic view of the valley, was made of unbreakable glass and sealed tightly shut. Reid understood that he was confined in an attractive cage. He was anxious for his return to the world. He missed his friends at the BAU. He especially missed JJ.

Every day, he wrote a dutiful letter to his mother. He never told her that he was in a mental hospital. He said he was "working on a case in New York State." The counselor he was seeing encouraged him to keep a journal. There he revealed his deepest feelings. He often wrote about Jennifer Jareau. Coming close to death made him appreciate how much she meant to him.

He waited anxiously for the mail each day. Cards and notes of encouragement from his teammates adorned his room, but his brightest days were the days when he received a letter from Jennifer. She signed her letters, "Much love, JJ," which he found encouraging. While he was able to write in his journal that he loved her, his return letters were simply signed, "Affectionately, Spence."

When he was released from this place, he was going to tell her exactly how he felt. Maybe he would get some tips from Morgan on what to say. Derek was always so glib with women, but he was going to make his feelings clear. She was "his girl." Morgan even called her that. He was going to get well for JJ. When he got out, he was going to hold her and never let her go.

As he watched the sun rise, there was a lump in his throat. He missed her so badly, but he was determined not to cry. If they saw him crying, they would think he was depressed. Spencer just swallowed hard and kept looking out toward the mountains.

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Penelope Garcia must have hit her snooze button ten times before she crawled out of bed. It was nearly 10:30 when her feet finally hit the floor. Slipping on her fuzzy slippers, she shuffled into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. She liked to have her housework done by noon on Saturdays so she could veg out the rest of the weekend, but that wasn't going to happen today. "Too late to do my exercise tape," she thought, not unhappily, glancing at the kitchen clock. She loaded the washer and toasted a bagel.

She had been on the phone with Derek last night until nearly four o'clock. They talked about work, what movies came out this weekend, and baseball. Baseball bored Penelope silly, but she pretended it didn't. Eventually, they got to what was troubling him. He was having problems in his relationship.

"Penelope, I try to be nice to her mother, really, but the woman hates me. She doesn't accept me as the man in her daughter's life. She acts more like I'm the hired help, or something. As far as she is concerned, no matter what I do, I am just not good enough."

It was a poorly kept office secret that Derek was seeing Emily Prentiss. Penelope used to get jealous when she knew he was with someone, but his relationships never lasted. This one was likely to be short lived, too. Morgan wouldn't understand why, and she would counsel him until the wee hours of the morning. She took no satisfaction in his breakups. In fact, it hurt her deeply to see him hurt.

They also talked for a long awhile about Reid. "We're profilers, Pen. We should have realized he was in trouble." He sounded genuinely upset. "The poor kid almost died. He's spent a month locked in a nut house, all because I didn't see what was right in front of me."

They talked until he was tired enough to fall asleep. "He's probably still asleep, the Rat," she mused.

She changed her bed and vacuumed. She ran her finger across the top of her television. "Ah, not that dusty." She showered and dressed in a pair of black jeans and a tee shirt which read "I'll make your wildest dreams come true."

"And I will, too, Derek," she thought, happily.

Penelope loved Derek Morgan, possibly, from the first day they met. Despite his obvious physical attributes, it wasn't his good looks that attracted her. She was captivated by his eyes. From the moment she looked into those eyes, she knew she had encountered an old friend.

She curled her hair and called JJ. They were planning a trip to the mall this afternoon. Penelope wanted to cheer her up. JJ missed Reid terribly. She was counting the days until his release. They could encourage each other over lunch and cocktails. Eventually, they would be with the men they loved. It was just a matter of time. They were sure of it.


	6. Chapter 6

Spencer stared out of his window, watching for Morgan's car. He had spent hours at this window, gazing at the mountains, since he had been in the hospital. The view was beautiful, and he wasn't going to miss it at all. He was excited about going home. His bag was packed. The cards and momentos that his friends had sent were stacked in a box he got from the kitchen. So were the journals he'd kept for the seven weeks he had been there.

Last night, he and Nathan watched "The Greatest Heavy Metal Hits of All Time," and a rerun of "Joe Dirt." As far as Nathan was concerned, it was an exceptionally good night for television viewing. Reid didn't mind indulging his roommate. Actually, he had become quite fond of him.

Nathan wasn't the brightest bulb in the pack, to use one of Morgan's expressions, but there was a sweet simplicity about him that Spencer found endearing. He was going to miss him. He had been encouraging Nathan to do more with his music. He wrote and played complex guitar riffs with ease. Nathan could hear a song, any song, and duplicate it on the guitar. The young man had a gift.

Reid gave him one of his FBI business cards with his cell number on the back. "Call me whenever you want to talk, Nathan," he told him, sincerely. "Hey, maybe you can come down to Virginia for a visit?"

"Really, Dude? You mean it?" There were tears in Nathan's eyes. He gave Spencer a long bear hug. "You know, Dude, you're about the best friend I've ever had."

Nathan was still asleep. He was given medication at night to quell his racing thoughts and he usually didn't awaken until after eight. Reid was hoping he would be gone before his friend woke up. It would be hard to say goodbye to him again.

His pulse quickened when he spotted the beige SUV, with Virginia tags, coming up the driveway. Just a few more hours until home, and JJ…….

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Endless Mountain State Hospital was a seven hour drive from Morgan's house in Stafford. It was a scenic trip, mostly on Route 15. Reid could have taken a flight out of Binghamton, but driving home seemed like a way to acclimate him back into the world. Derek volunteered to pick him up. He had been looking forward to the drive. He liked springtime in the mountains. Emily was supposed to make the trip with him. They had taken some vacation time, and were going to leave early. They were planning to spend a couple of days at a mountain resort. Their plans were scrapped when Ambassador Prentiss, unexpectedly, announced she was coming to town.

"The woman has an uncanny knack for showing up at the wrong time," Derek thought, irritated. He and Emily had a heated argument about it before he reluctantly cancelled their reservations.

Elizabeth Prentiss rubbed him the wrong way from the day they met. She came into the BAU office requesting, no, demanding the team's assistance on a kidnapping case for a friend of hers. Hotch did his best to decline, as it wasn't the kind of case they usually worked on, but even his boss was intimidated by her. Derek was just getting to know Emily at the time, and was amazed that someone as sweet as Emily had a bulldozer for a mother.

The last time she was in Virginia, they took Elizabeth to dinner. Emily stressed about everything being perfect. They made reservations at the Riverside Room, the most elegant restaurant in the area. They got a table with a waterfront view. To Morgan, everything seemed impeccable. It annoyed him that he paid two hundred bucks to feed a woman who spent the evening looking at him like he had a piece of spinach stuck in his teeth.

The Ambassador didn't remember meeting Morgan at FBI Headquarters, or so she said. When Emily introduced him to Elizabeth, she referred to him as "my friend, Derek Morgan." The Ambassador said she "was happy to meet any friend of Emily's." He found her manner condescending. The sarcastic side of him longed to tell her that he was far more than Emily's little "friend."

"Your beautiful daughter and I had sex an hour before we picked you up, Ambassador," he thought, smugly. "If everything goes as planned, I'm expecting an encore by midnight." He smiled at the thought.

He was, however, the epitome of graciousness at dinner. He listened to the Ambassador's boring stories about Washington parties with her fellow diplomats. He was quiet when she espoused her political views, most of which were diametrically opposed to his. He even did his best to forget the Wizards and the Nets were playing that night.

Earlier this week, after he argued with Emily, he had a long talk with Penelope. "Look, Cupcake," she told him. "You've said your girl never got along with her mother. Try to be patient, especially since she doesn't have any other family. Don't make a competition of it."

Oh, Pen, you're always the voice of reason. Whatever would I do without you? He was doing his best to follow her advice.

Derek drove most of the way to NY on Friday, stopping overnight in Williamsport, PA. He made the last hour of his journey Saturday morning. Reid's surprise party was at 7 p.m. They should be home in plenty of time.

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Morgan hardly recognized the Spencer Reid who met him in the reception room. He had a valise in one hand and a box in the other. He was grinning broadly. Morgan noticed he had gained weight. He looked rested and healthy. This was a far cry from the frail young man he visited at Olean General.

"Damn, Reid," he said, with genuine surprise. "Is this, like, the new you, or what?" He hugged his friend, warmly. Morgan took a step back and studied him. "Jeans? Really? I've never seen you in jeans." He chuckled when he noticed his shirt, partially hidden by his jacket, was a "Metallica" tee shirt.

"I didn't have many clothes here," Reid said, embarrassed. "My roommate, Nathan, gave me some clothes that were too big for him."

"Metallica? I don't believe it!" Morgan was laughing. "Hey, you've got to wear that to work Monday."

Derek loaded Reid's bag into the back of the SUV. Damn, he was glad the kid was back. He'd missed him more than he realized.

Spencer talked incessantly from the moment he got into the car. Morgan heard all about Nathan, his treatment, and especially JJ. He kept asking Morgan for advice. "What do you think I should say to her?...Do you think I should take her flowers?...Maybe I could take her to dinner so we can talk…Or, I could take her to my apartment. We could be alone there. Do you think that is too forward?...I hope she's home tonight? I didn't have my cell, and the phone we could use in the hospital was out in the open. I couldn't talk to her like that…Did I tell you I wrote to her every day?...She wrote to me, too…She signed her letters 'love,' well, 'much love.' That's about the same, right?"

"Reid," Derek shook his head. "You're making this way too hard." When you see her, take her in your arms, and tell her you're happy to see her. Everything else will just come naturally."

Route 15, from the NY State line into Williamsport, is a four-lane highway through the mountains. It is sparsely traveled. It's not hard to lose track of your speed on the open road. When the SUV went around the curve, they were probably doing 85 mph, too fast to stop, too fast to even slow down for the deer in the center of the lane. Instinctively, Morgan hit the brakes and tried to miss the animal. He overcompensated. The SUV swerved left across the highway, hit the edge of the roadside barrier, and careened into the valley below.


	7. Chapter 7

The SUV came to rest in a shallow creek bed, turned back facing the mountain. The car had spun about, when it sideswiped a tree. For a minute, Spencer sat stunned, trying to absorb what had happened. There was an eerie silence in the valley, except for the sound of water running in the stream beneath the car.

"Damn, Morgan!" He took a couple of deep breaths to calm down. Okay, nothing hurts. I think I'm alright. I just need to stop shaking, he told himself.

"Morgan?" He looked at Derek, who was slumped over the steering wheel. He shook him slightly, but he didn't move. "MORGAN?"

Thoughts began racing through Reid's head, as he tried to access the situation. Okay, okay, no blood, that's good. Seat belt on. Good. The airbags deployed. Good. No blood, no blood. Okay, why isn't he waking up?

"Morgan?" He shook him again, harder.

Oh, God, oh, God! His hand was trembling as he checked for a pulse. Good, he's alive, good, good. Okay, I've got to get some help. Cell phone, cell phone? Damn, I don't have my phone; he felt a small sense of panic. Spence, calm down, he admonished himself, and think. Morgan's phone? He keeps it clipped to his belt.

He reached around his friend's waist, feeling for his phone. Derek didn't stir. Reid flipped open the phone. No, no, no, DAMN, no signal! He tried to open the car door. It was jammed. He pushed the switch to lower the passenger side window and scrambled out. His feet came down in the creek and he found himself standing in several inches of cold water. Damn, his legs felt so weak. He steadied himself against the car, looking up at the highway. The climb was, maybe, 600 feet? He wasn't sure, but it seemed awfully far away. Okay; maybe I can get a signal up there?

Reid waded out of the water and headed up the hill. Please, God, help me, he prayed, as he stumbled and, sometimes, crawled his way back to the road. Please, please, please, God, he murmured with every foot he ascended, until finally, he reached street level. His legs were in danger of giving out. He sat down on the roadside barrier to keep from falling.

The marks showed plainly on the railing where the SUV had clipped it on the way down the embankment. Spence realized how lucky they were that they went through the gap in the rails, and didn't hit directly. That would have caused the vehicle to overturn and roll downhill, probably killing them both.

He flipped Derek's phone open again. One bar! Please, let that be enough. He dialed #911. His heart was pounding as he waited for an answer. One ring...two...three...

At last, a female voice answered. "Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?"

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Jennifer and Penelope cleaned Reid's apartment from top to bottom. Judging by the dust on his Star Trek memorabilia, it looked like it had been a long time since the apartment had had a thorough cleaning. There was only so much you could do with the place, considering the stacks of books everywhere. "Just dust them off, and restack them neatly," JJ suggested. Penelope put a bouquet of flowers on the table. The girls decorated with some balloons and a "Welcome Home" banner over the archway to the living room.

The party was going to be small. They didn't want to overwhelm Spencer on his first evening out of the hospital. Haley and Hotch were coming. Gideon was bringing Doris, his long time friend. No one really knew the status of their relationship, as Gideon rarely gave any insight into his personal life, but Doris was his date for most events. Emily was coming, but was going to have to bring her mother along. JJ, Penelope and Morgan would round out the guest list.

The menu was fairly simple. There was chicken in one crock pot, and roast beef simmering in the other. "I hope Haley doesn't forget to stop at the bakery," JJ worried. Haley was supposed to pick up the cake and some rolls. Emily and Doris were bringing salads. JJ had a recipe for an elegant, but alcohol-free punch she was making. They were worried that Spence might be on medication that wouldn't mix with alcohol.

"Too bad," Penelope told her, sardonically. "Hotch and Morgan could tolerate Ambassador Prentiss easier if they're a little buzzed."

The girls were ready to start setting up the table. Penelope went out to her car to get her punch bowl. She was just coming into the kitchen when JJ's cell phone rang. Jennifer was excited to hear Reid's voice on the other end. "Hi, Spence," she said, trying to sound casual. "How far are you guys from home?"

"What's wrong?" It sounded like he was crying. "Spence, calm down. I can't understand you," she said, with growing alarm.

Penelope stopped dead in her tracks. "JJ, what is it?" Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in the pit of her stomach. "WHAT?"

Tears had begun streaming down Jennifer's face. "No, oh, no, no…"

"WHAT?" Penelope was on the verge of losing it. "JJ, PLEASE," she pleaded.

As calmly as she could, "there was an accident," JJ replied. "Reid's okay, but…"

"DEREK?" Penelope screeched, as the punchbowl she had in her arms smashed to pieces on the kitchen floor.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a warm spring morning in Chicago. The bright sunlight streaming through the windows welcomed Fran Morgan awake. She had plans to go to The Art Institute with her oldest daughter, Sarah. They had been to the Institute many times, in particular, to view the extensive collection of paintings by Monet. Sarah and Fran shared a love of art. They could easily lose themselves all afternoon at the museum. They were also looking forward to dinner downtown, and maybe some shopping. Fran had been especially busy at work this week, and was really glad it was Saturday.

Desiree was supposed to go with them, but agreed at the last minute to take some weekend hours at the store. Desi's finances were in shambles. She was already struggling with rent and her school bills. When her old car died on the Expressway one morning, she was forced to finance a new one. She couldn't afford to pass on any opportunities to earn some extra money.

Fran knew her younger daughter was having a hard time. She invited her to dinner as often as possible to make sure she was getting enough to eat. Des looked, to her mother, like she had lost weight. Fran would have been happy to let her move back home, but Des wouldn't hear of it. If there was one trait her children had in common, it was their independence.

She had spoken with Derek earlier in the week. He was taking a few days off, and spending some time in the mountains with the girl he'd been dating. He talked a lot about Emily, and it sounded to Fran like her son really cared for her. She had been hoping Derek would find a nice girl and settle down. None of her children were married, and Fran was beginning to think she was never going to be a grandmother. Derek confided to her that his girl's mother didn't care much for him. It angered her to think that the woman could have a problem with her beautiful son. Fran was fiercely proud of her boy. He was so like his father.

Derek's father, Samuel Morgan, was murdered when Derek was just ten. Derek was with his dad when he was shot and killed, trying to stop a robbery. As a young widow, it was hard for Fran to raise the children without him, but she never even considered marrying again. Sam was the love of her life. They were an unlikely couple. Sam was a tall, muscular black man with an easy smile. Fran was a petite, Irish girl with red hair and emerald eyes. She was quiet and soft-spoken. When she was introduced to Sam, she was so shy, she barely spoke to him. His easy going personality and sense of humor put her at ease. She became comfortable with Sam in a way she had never been with anyone before.

When Derek announced that he was going into law enforcement, it frightened her to think she could lose her son the way she had lost her husband. There was hardly a day that she didn't worry. When she began to have the nagging feeling that something was wrong, she tried her best to dismiss it.

Fran made a pot of coffee, showered, and dressed to go out. Sarah would be coming at eleven. She thought about calling Derek, but felt awkward about intruding on his time with his girl. He would make his usual Sunday afternoon call tomorrow. They could talk then. Still, something didn't seem quite right.

It was quarter past eleven, when the phone rang. Fran figured it was Sarah calling to tell her she was running late. She wasn't surprised. Sarah was usually late. When she heard a man's voice on the phone, a chill went up her spine.

"Mrs. Morgan, this is Aaron Hotchner. I am Derek's….."

"I know who you are, Agent Hotchner," she interrupted. "What's happened?"

Nervously, Hotch cleared his throat before speaking. He hated having to tell her. "Mrs. Morgan, Derek was driving with another agent in Pennsylvania. There was an accident….."

"WHAT'S HAPPENED TO DEREK?" She demanded.

"The car he was driving veered off the road and went down an embankment. The other agent wasn't hurt, Agent Reid. I believe you've met him."

"WHAT ABOUT MY SON, AGENT HOTCHNER?"

"He was airlifted to Williamsport Hospital. He has whiplash and a concussion. 'Cerebral edema' the doctor called it. He's in surgery. They're operating to relieve the pressure." Hotch's voice was even, although he was as worried as she was.

"Oh, God."

"The doctor says he was lucky. It could have been much worse. Mrs. Morgan, I am sending a car for you. How quickly can you be ready?"

There was a pause as Fran digested what she had heard. "What did they say is his prognosis?" She asked, fearful of the answer.

"Mrs. Morgan, the doctor sounded positive. Derek is healthy and very fit. There is every reason to believe he will recover. The doctor is going to call you himself, as soon as Derek's out of surgery. He can answer your questions. I have given him your home phone and your cell number. You'll hear from him, shortly. In the meantime, pack what you need. I will arrange everything for you."

Fran Morgan squared her shoulders, and summoned the strength that had sustained her for so many years. "Thank you, Agent Hotchner," she said, calmly, as Sarah came through the front door. "I'll be waiting."

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"Run, Derek...Go…go…go," Sam Morgan yelled, as Derek rounded the bases, and slid into home plate for a score. "Great job, son."

Young Derek grinned proudly, as he got up and dusted himself off. "Larry, you're up next," Sam told a chubby kid, who was warming up. "Thomas, get ready."

Sam Morgan spent his Saturday afternoons playing ball with the neighborhood kids. In an area where many of the boys didn't have fathers in their lives, Sam was a local hero. Derek looked forward all week to Saturdays. Sometimes, he was jealous that he shared his dad with the other boys, but Sam explained to him how hard it was for the kids without fathers.

"My dad died when I was eight," he told his son. "A guy needs a man around to teach him all that stuff women don't understand. I grew up with a mother and four sisters. Boy," Sam said, "that was tough." He shook his head and laughed. "We've got to help these guys out."

Sam loved children. He would have had ten of them, if he could afford it. As much as he enjoyed working with the kids in the neighborhood, he really did it for Derek. His son was quiet, like his mother was when she was young. Being a shy kid, and biracial, Derek had a difficult time making friends. Sam's popularity in the community made it easier for Derek to be accepted.

"Okay, boys, it's after five. Gather up your equipment…See you next week." Sam stopped to talk to a skinny kid, who looked very dejected. "Bryan, you did a good job in the field today."

"I struck out twice," the boy said, miserably.

"We'll work on your swing next week," Sam told him. "You've got a good, strong arm. You just need a little more practice."

"Thanks, Mr. Morgan." He gave Sam a small smile.

"Ready, Derek?"

Sam and his son headed down the block toward home. Derek was always proud to be seen with his father. To anyone watching them, it was obvious they were father and son. They looked remarkably alike. Derek was simply a shorter, light skinned version of his handsome father.

"Derek." He heard his mother's voice.

"Sounds like your mom has dinner ready," Sam told him.

"Derek."

Sam paused when they reached the steps leading up to the Morgan house. "Go on in, son," he told Derek. "I'll see you later."

"Dad, where are you going? Mom's calling us." He didn't understand his father's hesitation.

"She's calling you, son. I can't go with you."

Young Derek's eyes filled with tears. "Dad, come on." He took his father's hand to lead him up the stairs.

"I can't, Derek.." He shook his head, sadly. "Go to your mother. I have to leave now." He hugged his boy. "I love you, son," he said. Sam Morgan turned and headed down the sidewalk.

"Daddy, please, don't leave." Derek pleaded. "Please, Dad."

Derek's heart sank, as he watched his father walking away.

"Derek," his mother called.

"DAD!"

Derek looked toward the front door to his house. He looked back at his father, as he walked down the street. Derek had a strong impulse to run after him.

"Derek." He heard his mother's voice again.

With tears running down his cheeks, Derek stood at the bottom of the steps, trying to decide which way to turn.


	9. Chapter 9

As she had each day for the past week, Fran kept vigil at her son's bedside. She gently wiped a tear that trickled down his cheek. She wondered if he was in pain. They had stopped the sodium thiopental days ago, expecting him to awaken. It was a good sign, they told her, that he could breathe without assistance and he was moving his limbs, but it was worrisome that he was still unconscious.

"Derek."

Her son did not stir.

Fran opened the newspaper, and began reading aloud to her boy. Sometimes, she told him about the phone calls she'd gotten from his friends. She read his cards to him, before taping them to the wall near his bed. She talked to him about growing up in Chicago, reminiscing about family events with his father and sisters. At times, she simply held his hand and called his name.

"Derek."

((Ah, Mom…please let me sleep…I'm not trying to play hooky, honest…I have the worst headache…please, Mom, just awhile longer))

Derek's doctor came in. "Good morning, Mrs. Morgan," he said, flatly. He looked very somber as he did his examination and scribbled notes on the chart.

Fran didn't care much for Dr. Schaffer. While he seemed competent enough, he certainly did not know her son. She refused to listen to any of his negative talk about brain damage or prolonged comas, and she told him so. When he suggested the need to transfer Derek to a long-term care facility, Fran's green eyes flashed with anger.

"Mrs. Morgan, his insurance coverage…" The doctor tried to explain.

"I don't give a damn about insurance, Dr. Schaffer. You're not giving up on my son," she told him, certainly. She stood with her hands on her hips, looking much taller than her five feet of height. "You don't know Derek. He was always hard to wake up. Why, I'm surprised I ever got him through school." She glanced at her son, who slept undisturbed. "He'll wake up in his own time."

The doctor just sighed. He couldn't argue with the feisty woman. He didn't have the heart. Maybe she was right. He hoped that she was, but with each day that passed, he was increasingly concerned about her Derek's prospects for recovery. "Mrs. Morgan, I'll be back to check on him later."

Fran sat down and opened the paper to the sports page. She began reading the baseball scores to her son.

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The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the kitchen. Since Spencer's release from the hospital, he continued to rise early, eager to experience the day. As he sat at the table sipping his overly sweet coffee, he surveyed his surroundings. It was so good to be back in his apartment. The place looked great. JJ and Penelope had cleaned and dusted until everything sparkled. They stocked the refrigerator for him. There were fresh flowers on the table. Since they'd cleaned, he was having trouble finding some of his books, but that was okay. He was home.

It was great being back at work, too. It didn't matter that he was on probation. His mind was sharp and clear again, and he would prove himself soon enough. If it weren't for the nagging worry about Morgan, it would have been the best week of his life.

He called Mrs. Morgan twice a day for updates on Derek, but there had been no change in his condition. He was still unconscious and they weren't quite sure why.

When he was a child, Spencer's mother used to read to him from the Bible. In fact, he had committed it to memory. As he grew older, he began to question the nature of God. He studied different religions. He considered God from a scientist's viewpoint. He wasn't sure what he believed. Perhaps, God was a metaphor for all that exists? The only thing he knew absolutely, was that a power beyond him at work in his life.

In recent months, he cheated death on several occasions. A serial killer held a gun to his head and played Russian roulette. When his heart stopped, Tobias Hankel, in a fleeting moment of sanity, gave him CPR. He survived a drug overdose. In his misery, he attempted suicide, and an old soldier saved from bleeding to death on a cold bathroom floor. Eight days ago, he came through a car accident with barely a scratch.

Whoever, or whatever, was looking out for him, Spence had had more than his share of miracles. He wondered if he could dare to hope for one more.

As he had done every morning and evening for more than two months, he wrote in his journal. This morning he scribed a prayer.

"Dear God,

Thank you for restoring my physical and mental health. Thank you for my job and my good friends at work. Thank you for bringing Jennifer into my life and the joy she has brought to me. God, I ask that you take care of my friend, Derek Morgan. Please, heal his injuries, and bring him back to us.

Amen"

As he sat writing, he heard JJ's footsteps behind him. She poured herself a cup of coffee, and set it on the table. She slipped her arms around Reid's neck, and kissed his ear.

"Good morning, Honey," he said, smiling. He pulled her to him and kissed her eagerly.

Except for his concern for Morgan, it had been the happiest week of his life.


	10. Chapter 10

Emily packed a small cooler with bottles of water, some fruit, and a few cereal bars. It was a long drive into Pennsylvania and they didn't want to stop any more than necessary. It was exactly 7 a.m. when she heard Penelope pull into her driveway. She grabbed the cooler and her black hoodie, and headed out the door. Without any delays, they would be at the hospital before noon.

The two women who loved Derek Morgan made the drive in relative silence. They chatted a bit about work. They talked some about the mountains, and the light volume of traffic. Mostly, they were lost in their private thoughts.

Penelope had spoken to Mrs. Morgan last night, who always sounded hopeful. She also talked with Hotch, who said they would be doing some neurological tests on Morgan on Monday. They may transfer him to a long term care facility. His doctors were recommending intensive rehabilitation and sensory stimulation to aid in his recovery. Hotch said they were looking into places in Chicago, so he would be near his family. He didn't expand any further on what he was saying. It wasn't necessary. The implications were obvious.

She slept fitfully last night. Every moment she and Derek had ever spent together replayed in her mind. It was hard to quell the sense of panic she felt whenever she allowed herself to realize that he may not recover.

Emily had had no more sleep than Penelope. She and her mother argued on the phone early last evening.

"Really, dear," Elizabeth Prentiss told her daughter, "he seemed nice enough, but he really wasn't your type."

"Stop referring to Derek in the past tense, Mother. He isn't dead…And, what do you mean 'not…my…type?'"

"Well, I really didn't want to say anything. He's attractive enough…and I can see that he, um, projects a 'sexual charisma' you might be attracted to…"

"Mother, what the HELL are you trying to say?"

"…and I can understand someone like him wanting to better himself by being with a girl like you," Elizabeth continued.

"WHAT?" Emily said, sharply.

Elizabeth spoke evenly. "I'm just saying, dear…"

"Mother, explain 'someone like him.' Are you talking about his race, because if you are…"

"Oh, no, no, of course not, dear" her mother replied. "Why, you know I am not prejudiced…"

"Of course not," Emily repeated, sarcastically.

"Honey, it's just that he's a little, uh…a little too blue collar. You don't really think he would fit in with our friends, do you?"

In the last several months Emily had tried hard to develop a relationship with her mother. Emily and Elizabeth had never been close. Sadly, she understood that they would never be. She didn't even like the woman.

Emily's parents were career diplomats. All of her life, she had been taught to be proper in her speech and behavior. She bit back the words she wanted to say. "This conversation is over, Mother." She simply said, "Good-bye."

Like Garcia, Emily had little sleep. She wished she had taken the vacation she and Derek had planned. Perhaps, if they had been together, there wouldn't have been an accident. Maybe they would have been on another road, or traveling at a different time. She might have reminded him to slow down. She knew he often drove too fast, but he was more cautious when she was with him. She knew she had hurt him when she backed out of the trip. She was afraid she wouldn't have the opportunity to apologize.

Emily tossed and turned most of the night.

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Fran was dozing in a chair near her son's bed. There was a book in her lap that she had fallen asleep reading to him. Emily squeezed her shoulder, slightly. "Mrs. Morgan."

She was quickly awake." Hello, girls," she smiled. "I'm glad you made it." Fran was tired, but she stood up and hugged them both.

Although she looked considerably younger, Mrs. Morgan was nearly sixty years old. She was spending more than twelve hours a day with her son. She wished she could stay longer, but she understood the need to take care of herself.

Every morning and evening Fran walked the half mile between her hotel and the hospital. Spring in the mountain city was picturesque. She would pause for a few minutes at a small park by the Susquehanna River. Sitting on a bench near the river's edge, she would watch the sunlight dancing on the swiftly moving water, while she prayed for Derek. She would ask God for strength, and she would talk to her husband. "Please, Sam, watch over our boy. It was so hard losing you. I can't bear to lose him, too."

Because of the distance involved, Derek hadn't had visitors. His sisters had wanted to fly out from Chicago, but Fran wouldn't hear of it. She knew Des couldn't afford to pay airfare or take time from work. Sarah had just started a new job." I have enough sick time accumulated," she told her daughters matter-of-factly. "I can stay with your brother until he gets back on his feet."

It had been an arduous week for Fran. Her fortitude was waning more than she wanted to admit. She was grateful to see Derek's friends arrive.

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Derek lay very still, trying not to aggravate the agonizing throb in his head. He had been listening to the soothing sound of his mother's voice as she read to him. Now, he could hear other voices around him. They seemed familiar, but it hurt…oh God, how it hurt…to try to focus on them.

He let himself drift back to a quiet place beyond the pain.

A minute passed, or an hour…he had no conception of time, until he became aware of a scent. It was an aroma he knew, but couldn't quite place. A soft hand took his. "Hi, Handsome," a voice said, tenderly.

He remembered her perfume. He had given it to her for Valentine's Day. It was "Forbidden Fantasy" and he bought it for her at a mall in Manassas. "Derek." He felt Emily's body close to his, as she leaned down to kiss him.

((Damn, Baby, you smell good…You know that stuff turns me on.))

She was holding his hand and talking to him. "I'm so sorry I couldn't come sooner. I wanted to be here, really, but it is so far…"

((How was your visit with "Mommy, Dearest?" Bet she gave you an earful on why you shouldn't be dating me…the Bitch…I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.))

"I made a mistake cancelling our vacation. I should have been with you…"

((What are you wearing? I loved that green sweater you wore the night we went out to the Chinese place. Made the guys look great. Damn, I'd like to pop one of those pretty boobs into my mouth and……ah, no, I wouldn't……I can't……I don't know what the hell I was drinking, but I feel rotten…I don't think I could do anything right now.))

He felt her stroke his face. "I love you, Derek. I would have told you sooner but I was so afraid you didn't feel the same…"

He couldn't think any longer. His head ached too badly. ((Damn, Em, I'm sorry. I can't…)) Pain forced him back into the void where he didn't hurt.


	11. Chapter 11

As Mrs. Morgan had done for days, Penelope sat beside Derek holding his hand. She told him the news from the office. JJ and Reid are an item, but everyone pretends they don't know. Reid is back to normal. He smiles all the time. She thinks he's getting it. Hotch and his wife are having problems. She's overheard them arguing on the phone. And, she described the cases to him that the BAU was working on.

Sometimes, just as his mother would, she merely said his name. "Derek…Derek…ah, C'mon, Sugar Buns, you need to wake up now," she said, stroking his face. She watched anxiously for any hint that he heard her.

Emily had taken Mrs. Morgan to the restaurant across from the hospital. The girls were worried that she wasn't eating properly. Fran looked thinner to Emily than when they had first met in Chicago. Penelope offered to stay with Derek. Secretly, she hoped that, given the opportunity, she could reach him.

"Derek…Please, Derek," she pleaded.

She listened to the soft sound of his breathing as he slept unaffected. She had a growing sense of alarm, as she began to comprehend that he wasn't going to awaken. There was a strong possibility that the essence of the man she had loved for so long was lost forever.

She held his dear hand to her lips, and kissed it. "Oh God, Derek," she said, breaking into tears.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

As he drifted peacefully in the abyss, Derek heard a familiar voice. He forced his mind to focus. While he struggled to come back to actuality, he became aware of the aroma of perfume. It was not the exotic fragrance Emily wore. It was a sweet scent, like baking vanilla cookies. ((Penelope?)) He often joked with her about smelling good enough to eat.

She was sobbing, as she held his hand to her cheek. He could feel her tears.

((Hey, Baby girl…Don't cry…Everything's okay.))

So many times she had been there for him, when he was troubled or needed to talk with someone. If he was having a bad day, the mere sound of her voice would raise his spirits. He wished he could sleep awhile longer. He had a miserable headache, but he knew he had to stay awake for Penelope. It hurt him to hear her crying.

((Please, don't cry, Pen…It's alright…I'm here, Baby girl…Everything's alright.))

Derek's thumb began to lightly stroke her cheek, trying to brush away a tear. He couldn't speak. His throat was dry. He squeezed her hand firmly, and slowly opened his eyes.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"As uncommon a thing as true love is, it is yet easier to find than true friendship."

-Francois Duc De La Rouchefoucauld


End file.
